I’m locked back, it’s not a weakness, it’s a strength in me that I don’t just wander in and tell them all the truth.
The truth is that it hurts more than it is heals and it isn’t his fault, it’s mine but it doesn’t make it any easier.
They tell me things that blow my mind and I can do nothing but stand, looking a lot like someone they met once, looking like someone they can trust, or love, or hate. I’m none of those things, I am a ghost of a person who may have lived once, but never really tried.
What am I trying to say? I have no idea. I’m more that than I ever am this. I try too hard, feel guilty too soon, want her, want her back.
I’m so cold, then my skin is burning up, like I’ve been set on fire for the inside. I bleed words that never make it to paper, they fade away like the smoke from the cigarettes I will never inhale, like the scent of the alcohol I will never consume, like the breeze that will hit me, but never lift me.
*he’s lovely, he’s lovely, he’s lovely - all the time*
I watch them - her most of all, feeling like I don’t do anything of any use, feeling left out in the cold. Like it’s my fault still, I guess. I could have been better, I could have stayed longer, I could have loved harder. But I give too much too soon to too many people and then wonder why I’m always feeling let down. Some tell me too much, some never tell me enough, some give me their hearts and some break mine. Life I guess, give and take.
The moon hasn’t shone into my room for a while, it makes the nights so much less beautiful. I can’t seem to find the energy to do anything but lie, half awake, half somewhere else.
I can see the light of a new city down the corridor of my school, I can see new faceless people, new faceless loves. I feel like I’m waiting for something to begin, afraid it will without me. Will you warn me, if you see it passing? Will you reach out and grab me and tell me it’s my time? Will you wave me goodbye? Will you miss me?
Because one day, I’ll wake up to see his smile and I’ll be gone.
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have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?
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"Call it sin you can call it whatever, eating deep inside of you"
- Foo Fighters
Lorraine
.xXx.
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Love should not be held back by the blinkered eyes of Society. We should be free to see what we like to see in all members of our life.
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And Our Soldiers Are Brought Home Wrapped In The Flag Of Their Loyalty. From A War That Is Not Going To End.
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