Okay then, lets bash out a journal, just to knock that depressing last one off my deviant page.

I start training for my new job next week, mom's driving me crazy. She's gonna miss me, fair enough, I'm going to miss my moms, but I don't keep going on about. If I did, I'd talk myself out of going. Kate will not stop going on about it, 'We better buy pizza to comfort us when you're away' 'You've never never been away from you family for so long before' 'What will I do when you're away?' It's all in jest, whatever, but I know she means it and she's making it really hard for me to feel good about going. It's the same with university, my sister has told me that she doesn't talk about her deep sad feelings about me going there net year with me, cause she doesn't want to burden me with her own feelings. I wish mom felt the same, mind you, I've always said she needs to share things more. *sigh* I guess she can't win. I love her though, I love them both. *cuddle*

I'm getting a Fender Stratocastor for Christmas! Dark sun burst colour, it's beautiful. We're getting it at a special price from my uncle Jimmy, who is a renowned guitarist. It would have cost thousands to buy a strat!

I've felt so grown-up recently. I seem to spend all my time on the phone or sorting through important documents or receiving important post. It's strange, but I guess I need to start getting used to it eventually. No one warns you about that when you're growing up. They talk about money and jobs and all the jazz, but not all the little changes. I've had to buy an organizer and can't leave the house without my diary. I bought work shoes today, plain black work shoes. £30 I'll never see again, so to speak. Oh well, comfort above style and all that.

Life would be so much easier if I lived in Ankh-Morpork.
Over and out, and a wave from the boy.
ABA <3 AFP
xxx

Today, a very important person in my life self-harmed. I only realised when he stopped and I found that it was me who was bleeding. It wasn't very dramatic, strumming a guitar until the skin of his thumb had come away enough to bleed. It stings now.
Then I met a young Victorian woman called Francesca who is desperate to have a baby, even though she has had many children die already and is killing herself in the process. She didn't so much introduce herself as settle herself in for a hile. Changing my clothes and crying into my duvet.
She doesn't care much for men, only for what they give her, the romise of children. She's pretty, she could have a man who would acre for her and support her and give her childrena dn lok after them and her as she gave birth, but she doesn;t think if ti like that, just the children.
It breaks my heart, but I can't reach her. She doesn't hear my words.
I'm stressed with school work and missing my girlfriend and worried about my boy and have a sore thumb.
Only a brief journal, I just wanted to put it down in writing, not to forget this day

Falling for you Rachel <3

Good night all, hope the moon shines.
Wolfy x

I just had a really frustrating hour, talking to my friends about being parents.
This pre-conceived idea that when children get to their teenage years they completely rebel against their loving parents and start hating them.

It all began talking about computer games that said 'bastard'. I said, "If you’re kids are playing a game where they have to stab people to death, I hardly think them using the occasional 'bad word' is going to make much difference." We then talked about how I'd rather my children would run -away- from threats and come home to mama, and how I would then protect them. No, apparently at the age of 18, when they have, as one friend said, "had me for 18 years, they can protect themselves"

Humm, I was more under the impression that -I- would have -had- them for 18 years, as my beautiful child(ren) who I wanted to have to love and to teach. Apparently not.

When I challenges them, saying "Don’t have kids then", one of friends said she's having children because she'll be ' pressured into it'.

Then all of the teenage shit came out...again. It's what bad parents use as an excuse!!

I said "So, when you're kids are 18 and turn against you, for 'no reason' you can blame their genes and their ages rather than your parenting skills?" "Yes" was the response I received.

"Great", I said, "Just what this country needs."

What’s this problem??? Did -I- start hate my parents? Did my -sister- start hating her mother when it was just the two of them and maybe the occasional shit partner?? NO!!!!!!!

When I said, "Are we shit teenagers?" I got 3 responses...

1st) *mumble* No...
2nd) My mother seems to think so (from a girl who may have a point)
3rd) Don’t count me in on that *from a girl who has NO POINT!)

It angers me to much. When I have a child, or children, I am going to bring them up properly, to have respect for themselves and for me and for the world, and to know love and be curious and always, always know the three B’s of parenting that I have always known. That they are Bright, Beautiful and Beloved.

I no not all kids get that, but when –they- rebel against their parents and hate them and want to leave, I don’t blame them. It’s the parents I blame.

Yesterday I really, really hurt my finger and ended up on the floor having thrown my chair across the room and I just cried my eyes out. Like my hand had been chopped off or something. I cried for ages, until I had tired myself out. Auto-pilot took over and I put a plaster on and was fine. I think sometimes, you just need to cry.

I think it was things getting on top of me. You think you know your self then things change, I hate change.

My exams will be completely over in 13 weeks and I’m a little stressed about it, oh well...

Onwards and Upwards

Wolfy

Wehn I get a little scared, I know I've people around me I can rely on.
I just wanted to say, I'm having a sweet day today, was told by a friends called Helen that I am 'one of the funniest people ever' She always laughs when I want her to, she makes me laugh too.

Humm, I've decided, I want a nickname too! 'Wolfy' will do fine thank you. *giggle*

Friday today, at my sisters house tonight, then with my best friend tomorrow, all fun. I've done lots of housework to earn myslef some spending money on saturday, so, whoop! Earrings and coffee for me!

I had porridge for breakfast, maybe that's why I'm so awake and feeling fresh right now.
And The fifth Elephant is my favourite book, I think of all time. *ponders this* It even beats Night Watch

And for xXforgottenXx, I Do Believe!! Yay, the clouds are over hear, but I can see the sun shining.

I Don't often write happy happy journals, thought it was time to. *shares the love*

If this journal worried you, don;t worry, I'll be grumpy again soon enough XD
Have a good day, week, month, year, Life everyone.
*loves and hugs you all* xx